for tick
November 19, 2003-9:08 pm
alright tick, my somewhat psycho friend. i have a bone to pick with you. first off. SHUT UR MOUTH. you are NOT fucking fat. ive seen you, i know what you look like, you cant fool me and tell me that your huge cause you know what, your not. maybe your not a tiny stick person but you know what? barely anyone is. your alot smaller than most people, how do u think they feel when you say your fat? like blimps, i tell you. everyone has flaws, i thought i was the ugliest person in the world before i met jake. you just need someone that will show you how beautiful you are, who can make u see that your flaws are what make you unique. and dont think youll never find this person, because i thought the same thing. i thought i would die alone, i would never meet anyone who could ever love me. but i was wrong. you just have to keep looking for that person, you cant ever give up. it may seem like it takes forever, i know it feels like youll never find him, but you will. hes out there. he may not be looking for you, you might have to fight for him, but dont ever give up. and please please please dont cut. it might help a little at the time, but once you get past all this, youll be stuck with those scars. and you wont want them, youll regret doing it. and this may surprise you, but people do care about you. first of all, ME. the most important person you know. if u did anything to hurt yourself, it would absolutely kill me. your the last person who deserves something like that to happen to them. second, ali. it would be very selfish of you to do something like that. ali isnt in such a good state as it is. at school, shes always talking about how worried she is about you. and shes sincere. if anything happened, that just might push her over the edge too. and do u really want to do that to her? third. your mom. i know you think she doesnt care about you but fuck tick, i know she does. your her only child, she loves you. she may not show it but its true, and it would absolutely destroy her if something happened to you. fourth. all your friends from school. now, its the same for me with this. i dont really like my friends, i dont think they like me that much, but i know that if something happened to me they would definately miss me alot. its the same for you. how did you feel when mike died? i dont know how close you were with him, or if your that close with anyone now, but think of how that affected everyone around him, even people who didnt know him were affected by that, and none of it was positive. you cant do that to people. maybe you want revenge on the people who were ever mean to you, and they probably deserve it, but put yourself in their shoes. if you had called someone fat, once, and you might regret it now, and you might want to tell them your sorry but never really get around to it. what if that person killed themselves, and you knew it was a result of bullying? it would ruin your life. because it would be partly your fault. and some of them deserve that but a lot of them dont. so dont put that on anyone. maybe this isnt the best thing ive ever said to you, but i really mean this. your not a loser, your not stupid or fat or ugly or anything you say you are. your a person just like everyone else, with good and bad qualities. its just how you let others affect you and how you percieve yourself that determines how happy you are. i think you could be happy, if you didnt let other people tell you want to think about yourself. i think deep deep down you know that you deserve to be happy, you deserve all the same things as everyone else. i love you. xoxo
kelly