come back (come down) come over
December 25, 2003-9:06 pm
the one place i shouldnt be is alone in the dark reading your journal and listening to blink 182 (i miss you, miss you). this might just be the first time i cry since that night on my porch, i dont want to let go of this strength (where did it come from?) but the tears want out so badly. where are you now, beautiful? why arent you here to kiss away my tears? i feel so lonely these days, and sometimes it feels like your not real anymore. when im alone in bed, theres no reason to believe you exist, and i convince myself that i just made you up (like so many other people who were only bodies). today in the car, staring out onto the highway, in silence, cars streaming by in a whirlwind of color, i felt so insignificant. i need to feel your arms around me, your lips on mine, your breath on my cheek, your heartbeat. im going crazy jake, i need you so badly tonight.
(like violence, you have me, forever and after, like violence, you kill me, forever and after)