..myself not to..
March 28, 2004-12:26 pm
"98 days since you left"
jake. you honestly picked the worst weekend ever to go out. tonight i wish i had a gun, knife, rope, anything because its all just crashing down on me tonight, and yesterday too for that matter. it seems like the days only get harder lately and nothing is willing to back off and give me a break. i dont know if i can do this jake, i dont know if i want to keep living without you. i dont trust myself anymore, i dont trust that i wont hurt myself. i need you, i need to know that theres still a reason to put up with this shit. last night i was thinking that i should do yoga, or meditate, because im a little too stressed out for my own good, but i dont think ive got the energy to do anything but lie here and cry. tonight i wish i had something to make this go away, i want a pipe or a big fucking bottle of vodka or anything to let go of this. tonight i die.