you can hate me
January 23, 2004-9:38 pm
tonight its just too cold and whats the point if your not even listening? weve made too many plans that could fall through and im not ready for more failure. but do you think the world owes us anything?
who knows. not me. i just dont like sitting here contemplating things that are a little too deep for my shallow mind and i think it might be time for a change in scenery (not the kind you think) but who the hell has time (says the girl whos been home for the past week)
i had almost forgotten how good the fresh air feels on my face, but it was a little too much today and i didnt want to cry on the god damn 79 (was he purposely rude to me? im sorry were unacceptable). tomorrow i might take a walk down past the field and i might sit in the bleachers and remember all the times we sat there together, all the times you kept me warm, and all the times i meant to kiss you but what was stopping me?
if i knew of the deprevation that lay ahead i wouldve stolen as many kisses as possible before you left
who am i kidding i was never brave like them
but the point is, i dont feel so numb anymore, not today at least, and the blame lies partially on all the people i had to see today, all the innocence in her eyes that i cant stand cause why does she deserve it all? and sometimes i am too jealous of her until i realise that ive got so much more (that isnt always good)
what the fuck am i trying to say?
maybe im just trying to type everything i can until you come back (bad idea)