dear jen
August 23, 2010-12:15 am
how strange that out of 300 i had to pick yours. i still fucking hate you. but i miss you so much. we always had all the same problems and never realized it until it was too late. i dont think we were the ones who were wrong - even now. but you cant change anyone, not even yourself. i hope youre happy now, i hope life isnt quite as strange and difficult as it used to be. i never believed you had a reason to be sad, but i guess everyone has something. maybe i was selfish but you were definitely a whore. i hope somewhere along the way you realized that sex and love are two completely different things and to be lusted after is not to be loved. all the boys in your life only left you sadder and lonlier than ever before. sometimes i felt like i could reach out to you if only i'd try, but i was too busy hoping you were reaching for me. i never wanted anything but to love you forever, i never thought something so stupid could tear us apart. you are a vicious friend. i didnt want us to end up like this. i didnt want us to end at all.
i promise ill never forget to tell you i love you.
BEST FRIENDS MEANS I PULL THE TRIGGER, BEST FRIENDS MEANS YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE
i wish we could talk about this. how sad that after all these years you are still the best friend i ever had. how sad that i let what you've done stop me from opening up to anyone else. not everyone would ruin me like you did, but certainly no one ever will again. i am sick of you.
This was always your song, love:
Her Space Holiday - Japanese Gum
I used to know this girl
Who gave her love away
To every guy she met
And with all the games they played
She never seemed to cry
She never got upset
And one by one they came
And one by one they left
I thought that I could fix her
If she would let me in
But all of my advances
Were shut down in the end
When days turned into months
I begged her to explain
And this is what she sang
It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself
I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled
At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips
I found one of the pages
Crumpled by her bed
And this is how it read
It's not like I am weak
Or that I don't know how to leave
It's just that every time you cheat
You bring me closer to defeat
Until there's nothing left to love
Until there's nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can't save you from yourself