dont let us fail
February 26, 2013-2:39 pm

the difficulty lies in the worrying more than the missing - the what if you forget, what if you meet someone, what if you change your mind, what if you cant handle the worrying either?

what if i?

i have spent more time missing loved ones than actually loving them it seems, i have spent years wishing time would speed up and bring us together

i remember counting days and thinking 700+ was unmanageable, was the longest amount of time a person could even comprehend, was far too long for love to last through - and now, i look at this clump of time in front of us, time in which we have the means and ability to visit each other almost as often as we like, time in which we can talk to each other, see each other's faces in real time, we can keep track of each other's daily lives and be a part of each other despite being apart from each other. and how different all this is from the last time, how much easier this should be, and i know for sure that i can cope, i have dealt with so much worse. imagine, being limited again to short, expensive phone calls, to e-mails before and after school, to abstract and exaggerated diary entries and to a handful of photographs. we have it so easy now, my love

i am constantly waiting for things to get better, after high school, after i get a new job, after i get a car, after i move out, after i graduate university, after i...

i always fall back down to zero

suicide - October 13, 2016
i wish i was dead - October 13, 2016
i could have written more, but you dont know what to listen for - October 12, 2016
ctrl+heartbeat - October 11, 2016
i dont even care - October 08, 2016


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